Thursday 11 February 2010

The Corridor of Uncertainty

In yet another triumph of rapid construction, we're pleased to announce the Corridor of Uncertainty.
Forty yards long, it links the Great House in a due north-south line with the Moot House.  We can vary the lights so that, at any given moment, the Oblate, Novice or whoever is heading into worship can be bathed in white light, strobed, or left in utter darkness.  We've also wired up a PA system independently of the rest of the community sound loop, so that it segues uncertainly between Death Metal, Vaughan Williams, Messiaen and The Birdie Song.

The uncertainty this generates sets the victim, or "traveller", as we call them, on psychic edge. The Left Brain screams for meaning, but can find none.  Particularly when the conveyor belt speeds up. Imagine being whizzed at twelve miles an hour in complete darkness while listening to "Firestarter", only to screech to a halt, drenched in ultra-violet light while three minutes of "It's a Small World" cuts in.  The Left Brain looks at the Right Brain and recoils in horror - seeing it as Other - angel, unclean spirit, pixie or smurf according to your upbringing and former beliefs.  The mind collapses to a psychic jelly - not a great journey, for some of our members.

And suddenly they go through the Portal of the Imagination and they are in the Moot House.  Enya sooths the troubled soul, the place is bathed with a hundred tea lights, and they are beckoned to their own seat, in a safe place, and offered a bagel.  The Left Brain relaxes, takes command of the situation - looks at the Right Brain and knows it has been the Known all along - a friend, fellow-traveller, companion and Twitter follower.  All is right with the world.

We only opened the Corridor of Uncertainty this morning, and already offerings are sharply up.  We reckon if  we put in for a patent, we could achieve world peace within the decade.

1 comment :

  1. First steps towards 'gitmoizing' (as the people from the large country over the pond like to call it) the community, perhaps?

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