Liturgy to mark the passing of Robert Robinson (1927-2011)

No sooner do I get home than I find that a major star in our firmament is no longer with us. This liturgy seems the least we can do.

Entrance to silly music

Archdruid: And our next word is "Ecumenism". Who's going to tell us what that means? Marston...

Marston: "Ekku-men-izma" is a word of Italian origin. Imagine, if you will, a day in early June in Rome. Already the heat is building up, and the urge to jump in the river so inviting. So "Ekku-men-izma" is the act of swimming across the Tiber.

Hnaef: Ecumenism - is in fact a technical mathematical term. It refers to the technique used to find the lowest common denominator.

 Daphne: Ecumenism comes from two Swedish words - "Ecu" meaning a failed financial concept, and "menish", meaning "books". In time, the Swedes came to use it to mean the situation when no-one can agree what books to use, so you thrown them all out and use a method of overhead projection instead.

Archdruid: Burton, would you like to tell us which you think is right?

Burton: You know, they're all so plausible. Three such good answers in their own right. I think I'm going to have to go for a little bit of all of them.

Archdruid: And the next question is for mothers and oldest children who are members of old-fashioned nuclear familes only. Here is a chart showing the committee structure of a typical religious fellowship.

Now... can you tell me how long it would take to change a piece of carpet in the children's holding pen?

Daphne: Is it three weeks?

Archdruid: No.

Gwynnedd: Eight months?

Archdruid: No.

Elspeth: Two years?

Archdruid. No. The answer is - you will never change the carpet, as no-one will be able to agree what colour it should be. And the final question, which is for middle-class people to answer only: What is the definition of "knee-jerk reaction"?

Drayton: Is it evicting innocent people from their houses because of what other people have done?

Archdruid: Mr Dasset?

Burton: Is it shutting down the media when we want to control what's happening?

Archdruid: Mrs Hnaef?

Daphne: Is it blaming social deprivation and the removal of a grant for eighteen year olds, for causing school assistants and middle-aged men to steal TVs and smartphones?

Archdruid: Well, maybe. But it's goodnight to Robert Robinson. Would that it weren't.