Wednesday 7 December 2011

New Performance Monitoring Methods

I'm pleased to announce the new Beaker Performance Monitoring Methods, based on the Government's revolutionising of the NHS.

Under the old scheme, which we inherited from Archdruid Brown of the Tupperware Folk of Tebworth, the performance of neo-coenobitic communities was measured through a set of targets for the way in which we treated weekend pilgrims. These included:

a) Time from first arrival to being greeted by a grinning welcome-hippy in a daisy chain.
b) Number of leaflets offered to newcomers in the first hour.
c) Number of people attending each Occasion.
d) Souvenirs bought in the Beaker Bazaar.
e) The overall response score on a questionnaire.

This old method was symptomatic of the control-freakishness and top-down management associated with Archdruid Brown. And so we are scrapping the targets, and instead concentrating on religious outcomes. These religious outcomes will be based on responses to the following questions we will ask all departing pilgrims:

a) How quickly on first arrival were you greeted by a grinning welcome-hippy in a daisy chain?
b) How many leaflets were you offered in the first hour of your visit?
c) How busy would you say each Occasion was that you attended?
d) How many souvenirs did you buy from the Beaker Bazaar?
e) On a scale of 1 to 5, how positive was your stay?

I think it's all a massive improvement on the old scheme, and I'd hope that Beaker Folk would fall behind this new method of monitoring performance. Instead of picketing the Moot House, which is what they're currently doing. On the bright side, they're disturbing the bats - so I'm hoping to call the police to bring the demo to an end fairly rapidly.

1 comment :

  1. AE, You should implement a balanced scorecard system, I can see it now, sometimes little beaker icons next to smiley faces, sometimes next to sad faces.. ;)

    ReplyDelete

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