Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Minutes of the Meeting of the Moot

1.  Minutes of the Last Moot

We all passed out from boredom before the end of the last Moot. Therefore the minutes were passed Nem Con.

2.  Acolytes

Motion: That Acolytes should wear sandals at all times.

Morgoth said that this would depend upon whether they were with or without socks. Charlii asked - "are we sock-ist"? Everbody said yes. Charlii said when she was little, she used to wear sandals with socks. It was pointed out that (a) she was little and therefore had no say and (b) they were probably not open-toed sandals. Charlii agreed they weren't. Motion was therefore amended: "Acolytes should wear sandals at all times. If open-toed they should not wear socks with them. If any other kind of sandals, socks might be considered on a case-by-case basis".

Carried - 45.3% in favour, 45.1% against, 9.6% abstained.

3. America

Motion: That this Moot congratulates the people of the United States on their independence.

Rejected - 0% in favour, 107% against, 12% abstained. This vote was on the "Jeb Bush" voting system. If you're hanging chads, hang 'em high.

4. Accounts

Burton Dasset presented the last month's accounts. He indicated that his ledgers had spontaneously combusted when he was working out allowable expenses. Archdruid Eileen remarked that ledgers spontaneously explode all the time, but the Authorities are trying to keep it quiet. She blamed that Ed Balls. Burton remarked that there was a strong smell of Calvados and "Old Hedgerow Herbal Pipe Mix" about the time that the ledgers went up in smoke. He then had to leave the Moot House due to an unfortunate attack of throttling.

5. Ecumenical Matters

Motion: No, it doesn't.

Passed - 55.3% in favour, 41.1% against, 3.6% abstained.

6. Large Hadron Collider

Motion: "That this Moot congratulates the people of Cerne on their discovery of the Large Hadron".

Amendment: "Strike out 'Large Hadron', replace with 'Higgs Boson'" - Carried

Amendment: "Strike out 'Cerne', replace with 'CERN'"
Morgoth said he was most disappointed. Was the Large Boson really not found underneath the Cerne Giant himself? Stacey Bushes said if it had been Cerne Abbas, that wasn't so much a Large Hadron as a... At this point, Stacey was removed from the Moot and the motion ruled "moot".

7. Drought

Motion: "That this Moot regrets the way that Global Warming has caused the drought in Southern England".

Archdruid Eileen pointed out that it had been raining for so long, we were having to pump the Moot House out on a weekly basis.

Amendment: "Strike out 'the drought', replace with 'the floods'".

Archdruid Eileen suggested that the proposer had fallen for that old "climate is not weather" confusion. If all evidence is claimed to support the same hypothesis, Eileen, suggested, then the hypothesis itself is worthless. Marston suggested that Eileen's own temperature problems were due to hot flushes. However, Marston had to leave the Moot shortly afterwards due to his unaccountable nosebleed.

8. Any Other Business

Eileen suggested that any other business would offer better possibilities for profit. As a few examples she mentioned owning a "casino bank", being an MP, organising parties in breweries or running a whelk stall.

The bulb in the gents' toilets has still not been replaced. Eileen suggested that we hold a referendum to decide what wattage it should be. It was agreed that this proposal be brought as a motion to the next Property Committee.


  1. Bloody drought! Every time I go outside for a quiet fag it starts droughing cats and dogs, and my favourite trainers are permanently soaked. SOAKIO!

    love Mags B x

  2. *droughting* Even my spelling is getting rusted

    love Mags B x

  3. The problem with minutes of meetings is that they are always subject to refinement. The Minute Taker presents their draft with the verbatim occurrences, than the chair of the meeting changes them to reflect their memory of the meeting. Truth doesn't matter - inaccuracy does.

    An example:

    "Burton had to leave the meeting due to a sudden attack of throttling" Verbatim account:
    "The Arch Druid placed her hands around Burton's throat and squeezed very hard - Burton went a funny shade of puce and blue, and appeared to be very uncomfortable. Young Keith (illegitimate son of Arch Druid) had to drag the Arch Druid away from Burton and hastily took Burton outside to recover".

    another example:

    "Marston had to leave the meeting shortly after due to an unaccountable nosebleed" Verbatim account: "The Arch Druid launched herself across the Moot house, and struck Marston twice on the nose, once with a left hook and again with a right hook. As a consequence, Marston's nose seemed to explode into a glorious technicolour spray of blood and appeared rather squashed and aligned slightly to the left hand side of his face. Young Keith (illegitimate son of the Arch Druid) had to physically restrain his mother and drag her back to her seat as chair. He than managed to use a handkerchief to place it over Marston's nose and to escort him out to medical help".

    As you can see, those with editorial control are able to mask the true running of meetings by changing the nuances of what was originally transcribed by the minute taker. No wonder nobody remembers being at any particular meeting!!


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