Monday, 27 August 2012

Essex Police in Search for Invisible Unicorn

Essex police have another search on their hands tonight after reports of an invisible unicorn outside Colchester.

A Mr R Dawkins phoned the police to say that he had seen the invisible unicorn in a wood.

"I was terrified," said Mr Dawkins, "I looked towards the unicorn and I couldn't see it at all. It wasn't paying any attention to me, as far as I could tell. In fact, I've no idea what it was doing because it was invisible.

Meanwhile, a woman who wishes to be known only as "Mrs X" took the following photograph:

Mrs X said she thought the unicorn was in the middle distance, towards the car nearest the tree. However she could not be sure, as it was invisible.

Another report came from Mr Arthur Lofe, who said he heard the unicorn as far away as Newmarket in Suffolk.

"I had my windows open yesterday evening," said Mr Lofe, "when I heard a whinnying - just like I reckon a unicorn would make. It's pretty scary to think that they could move so fast. I mean, it was in Essex earlier, and it's up here already. I'm not opening my windows ever again."

And so Essex Police face another evening of philosophical enquiry. While, somewhere in the wastes around Colchester, a mythical beast is on the move.


  1. I understand that the gentleman who saw the mythical Lion is a former Essex Police Officer.

    He called in the Lion on a Bank Holiday as he knew that it would mean treble overtime for those Officers called out to search for it.

    This is called solidarity with brothers, as being on a full police pension, grossly inflated by his overtime earnings during his career, he wishes to assist his former colleagues with their future pensions. Particularly as in these days of cuts and austerity, Overtime for Essex Police Officers is rarer than gnat's teeth.

    I understand that he took the picture of Mrs Retired Policeman's Cat, Nellie using a magnified lens over about 100 yards, which seems to show a larger beast than is the fact. While Nellie is big (not Mrs Retired Policeman) she magnifies even better at 100 yards.

    I suspect that Essex Policeman are laughing all of the way to the bank and plan to invite their retired colleague to a future jamboree partly paid for by overtime.

    It's always about money.

  2. Tut, such cynicism.
    Everyone knows that invisible mythical beasts abound in Essex.
    Just as dragons do in Wales (and elsewhere).
    Well, it was better than watching the rain on a typical bank holiday.


Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl