Saturday, 18 August 2012

Those Tell-tale Signs You may be Clergy

You know how it is. Sometimes you get the feeling that you may be a member of the clergy. Here's a few clues to help you check your suspicions.

1. You find your jaw aching with sympathetic grinning, because everyone's always pretending to be joyous in your presence.

2. The organist has a grudge against you, and you don't know why.

3. You're allowed to go round the houses of people you don't know. But nobody thinks that's odd.

4. (If you're a married man) - your wife is unexpectedly talented at banner-making, baking and playing the piano.

5. (If you're a married woman) - your husband is allergic church matters.

6. On Sunday mornings, your garden is always being booby-trapped by a frustrated Lay Preacher.

7. The previous person to do your job was better than you.

8. You find yourself sympathising with those bankers who didn't fix interest rates or lend recklessly.

9. The newest book in your study was bought the year you went to that big building in the nearest city.

10. You get paid simply for living in your house - yet you work 80 hours a week.

11. Your children are a constant disappointment to other people, though not to you.

12. You understand the concepts of "day off" and "holiday". It's their practical application that eludes you. And admin doesn't count, does it?

13. You discover a white piece of plastic in your collar. If you take it out to go down town, people you know seem disappointed.

14. You swear more than all the people you meet. No-one else ever seems to swear, in fact. Or, if they do, they're really sorry.

15. You break into a cold sweat if you ever read the expression "8am".

16. You find yourself praying less than people expect you to.

8 comments :

  1. Brilliant. When I go into town with normal clothes on no one knows who I am. My kids say the swearing has got worse, and yes, why is no one honest about how crap life can be?

    ReplyDelete
  2. This definitely labels all Clergy in the INFP category. (Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Intuition)

    Off course, you go through life with the expectation of feeling a knife in your back daily. Expect calls to the Arch Deacon's or Bishop's Offices daily. You loaf being chair of the Church Council (especially as you always veto everything) and you remember that those little people running around your cave are actually your offspring, at least one a month.

    Yes, being a member of the Clergy is all smoke and mirrors.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, many clergy think and hope they are INFP types, as this would mean they are sensitive types.

      Delete
  3. Hmm: some uncomfortable close hits here, Archdruid. You might add wearing black socks when not in uniform; that's usually a give-away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And sandals. Don't forget the sandals.

      Delete
  4. Wow. I'm not very clergy. Hooray.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. I'll take that as a tribute to my insight and accuracy then :p

      Delete

Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl