Thursday, 27 September 2012

Liturgy for the Collation and Publication of the Church Magazine

Archdruid: The "View from the Manse Window" has been written.

All: And all the swear-words removed.

Archdruid: The ads from the undertakers have been pasted into their proper places.

All: And the details of the Jumble Sale are on the back cover.

Archdruid: The month's meetings have been ordered into their own schedules.

All: For to each meeting there is a time and a season.

Archdruid: A time for the Men's Group, and a time for the Women's Group.

All: A time for the Big Boulders Weight-loss Dancersize, and a time for the Little Pebbles' meeting.

Archdruid: A time to print newsletters, and a time to distribute them.

All: A time for doing yoga.

Archdruid: And a time for banning yoga.

All: A time for the choir to practice anthems, and a time for the congregation to run away.

Archdruid: The Bible Study has been written by the only volunteer we could get.

All: Which is why it's so fundamentalist it could have been conceived in Westboro.

Archdruid: And now we pray for the resilience of our laser printer.

All: For it was donated when Burton got a decent one, and he'd been given it by his work when it was getting on a bit.

Archdruid: And it's a bit wonky, and it overheats.

All: And the paper gets chewed up, like unto what happens when the wolf gets into the fold.

Archdruid: But still, though Malachi might not approve, it's cheap.

All: And the toner faileth not.

Archdruid: Even though I walk in the shadow of a great pile of print-outs, I will not fear.

All: For we are the people on the folding rota, and we've had a lot of practice.

Archdruid: My stapler is ever near me.

All: And the address list is before us.

Archdruid: But given there's about five hundred people on that list,

All: We may dwell in this vestry forever.


  1. Send it to the printers, let them edit and place the adverts - job done.

  2. Archdruid: We will not forget to put in the Sunday School Announcements

    All: For they come armed with glue and glitter

    Archdruid: Protect us from the wrath of the Church Cleaning Team

    All: And may one day may Ivy remove the glitter from her hair

    All: Allelulia


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