Thursday, 4 October 2012

Revolting Theologians

Don't you just hate it when you wake up to discover the people in your community have formed flashmobs and are demonstrating in the courtyard? Especially when counter-demonstrations have sprung up and everybody's shouting different rival slogans...

Calvinists:"What do we want? - Less freedom! When do we  want it? - In God's good time..."

"Celtic" Christians: "What do we want? - Stones 'n' tea lights! When do we want them? -  Oooh - stones 'n' tea lights!"

Signs 'n' Wonders people: "Demons, demons, demons! Out! Out! Out!"

Anglican Liberals: "End the war in Vietnam!"

Realised Eschatologists: "What do we want? - Eternal Life! - When do we want it? - Now!"

Sea of Faith: "What do I want? - Whatever you want.  It's entirely up to you. - When do we want it? - Every second of our time reverberates through eternity. Imagine! There's no heaven! Let us seize the day!"

Mars Hill: "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bigger fish! Which tells the other fish what to do! Because the little fish is divinely ordained to serve the bigger fish! Ooh! Look at the fins on that!"

WATCH: "What do we want? - Women Bishops. - When do we want them? - When they're proper Women Bishops."


  1. Just realised I have way too many stones and tealights hanging around the house.

  2. Creationists: "What do we want? - Creationism - When do we want it? - Oh, I suppose it will evolve in time."

  3. What about religious fanatics?

    Those ones you hear so much about, bleating that they have the sole ear of God (or God's). That they have the sole truth and that everyone else are heretics.

    You know, those ones who relish inquisition and torture, who burned poor Joan of Arc and Thomas Crammer at the stake. Those who claim persecution at the drop of a crucifix or an arrest for anti-social behaviour.

    Those who condemn everything that they can't find in the margins or between the lines of scripture.


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