Thursday, 29 November 2012

Liturgy of Relatively Slight Misfortune

Archdruid: There is a temptation not to pray for big things. Though God is great, yet our faith is weak and we so rarely see mountains move. But the sciptures command us in divers places to remember those whose misfortunes are slight, so we think maybe it might be a bit easier for a prayer to help out. So today we remember all those who will be struggling a bit - but not too much - in the slightly cold snap we're having. The response will be "We remember them."

All: We remember them.

Archdruid: We remember those who were hoping to do a bit of gardening, but now they think maybe it's a bit nippy and they'll have another cup of tea.

All: We.... what was it?

Archdruid: .... remember them.

All: Oh yeah. We remember them. Tricky, this responsive stuff.

Archdruid: We remember those who forgot to close up the greenhouse (or, as it may be, conservatory) properly, and have lost the last of the tomatoes. Or they've maybe left the tender plants out one too many days and they've got a bit black.

All: We remember them.

Archdruid: We remember those who've prayed for a space near Asda, but God in his mercy has listeneed to them but answered "no". And whose children have pinched their gloves, so they'll have to keep their hands in their pockets all the way across the car park.

All: We remember them.

Archdruid: We remember those who have cars, but no garages, and will stumble around in the cold and dark this morning defrosting their cars.

All: We remember them.

Archdruid: We remember those who, though they have garages, yet their spouses, civil partners or medium-term-but-not-yet-made-it-official common-law bedfellows have filled them with woodworking equipment, lawn-mowers, old sofas or bits of wood that might come in useful one day. Those who, although they appear garage-rich, are in fact garage-poor. Those who, like Jude gazing on the dreaming spires, or Moses looking at the promised land, can see the glory but will never reach it.

All: We remember them.

Archdruid: And for those who've forgotten to buy a new can of de-icer, and the old one ran out in May, so they're using the jewel case off a DVD to scrape the ice off.

All: We remember them.

And for people who left the car running while they were still getting ready inside, and somebody nicked the car, and they were only going up the Co-op and they don't know why they just didn't walk.

We remember them. But that's a proper problem. And it's their own fault. So we'll just remember them a little bit.

We all leave, to discover our cars have frosted over. Disaster!


  1. Forget not, also, those who have had to wade through flood water to get to work (because they couldn't be arsed to go round the long way), and then had to leave their socks on the radiator all morning, and have the entire office staring at their snazzy varnished toenails.

  2. ...and those who live in caravans. Well, only till Xmas, hopefully, if the tilers some on time.


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