Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Liturgy of Valediction for Mario Balotelli

Archdruid: Today we bid "farewell" to Mario Balotelli. Mario has been staying with us occasionally, as he says we make him feel like he's not as odd as people say. Which is lovely, as he only originally popped in to use the loo.
But Mario has decided to "swim the Po" and join the Truly Extraordinate of Milan.

Hymn - Who ate all the Calzones?

Offertory - in which fivers may be handed out to random people.

A Psalm of Lamentation: "Why Always Me?" (Goodall)

The Grand Arrival of Mario

An expensive car crashes into the wall of the Moot House.

Mario (staggering out of the wreckage): You only pay attention to me because I'm famous.

Archdruid: I'm sorry, Mario. We're going to have to keep you on the "bench". We've enough acolytes this morning.

Mario: No worries. I'm going to light the fireworks for the grand finale. And I can always join another sect. Have you met my mother, by the way?

Young Keith: Oops, I appear to have shot the tea-light bearer in the bottom.

Archdruid: OK. Forget the bit where we flood the Moot House and take gondola rides. Let's cut to the end....

Mario may use fireworks to blow up a bathroom or, as it may be, a Ferrari.

Closing hymn: O Solo Mio

1 comment :

  1. he boogers off to Ringway wi' his funny-shaped head and mad grin, this reminds me of the circus that was Rodney Marsh - bundles of promise between 1972-75, but - sheesh - Mario's gig at City reminds me of this saying which was well known (and I suspect sexily said in Italian) 'I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours'. In his last year he did sweet nada at City.

    Not too keen on closing hymn, but the first piece of Messiaen's La Nativite du Seigneur (La Vierge et 'enfant) - played backwards about 247 times with a joint of Mexican Red'll do fine, brother.

    R. Storie. Norwich


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