Sunday, 7 April 2013

Liturgy of Sending-out of Preachers on a Cold Morning

Archdruid: Dearly-beloved, inasmuch as we have offered to supply preachers to our friends: the La Tene Folk of Luton; the Corded Ware Folk of Caddington and the Windmill Hill Folk of Westoning: so we are gathered in this cold car park, to commend unto them these our replacement preachers.

For we know that the leaders of our sister Communities are having the week off after Easter, and their congregations are like lost sheep without a shepherd, needing liturgy and instruction.

And so I ask our Guest Speakers to come forward.

Burton, Hnaef and Charlii step forward.

Archdruid: Guest speakers - will you go unto the scattered flocks of Bedfordshire, bringing words of sustenance and assurance?

Guest Preachers: If we can, we will.

Archdruid: Will you bind up the wounded and lift up the downcast?

Guest Preachers: If we get the chance, yes.

Archdruid: Will you preach your own random and exciting take on a much-loved passage of Scripture, ensuring the congregation decide you are never, ever, coming back?

Guest Preachers: We'll give it a go.

Archdruid: Will you, getting carried away with a false sense of self-importance, inventa completely spurious persona for yourself?

Guest Preachers: Probably.

Archdruid: Will you be travelling by car, or your own personal hobby horse?

Guest Preachers: Definitely the latter.

Archdruid: Then, in the grip of self delusion and the power of sudden independence, go forth to spread the confusing news and project a false self-image.

Guest Preachers: Let's go kick some butt.


  1. I really admire the way you are able to motivate your slaves (sorry, colleagues), and their obvious grasp of the finer points of evangelism is nothing short of amazing.
    You are an inspiration to us all. (retires backward eyes downcast).


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