Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Another Way not to Include Children

And so today we're going to be thinking about Elijah and the Prophets of Baal. Elijah's a long word, isn't it?
And Elijah said that God was the real God, and Baal wasn't really. And so they had a big contest - a bit like having a race, to see who the biggest god was. Yes, Jess - just like when you and Britney had that Chinese burn contest to see who was prettiest. But please don't do that again.

And so Elijah built a big barbecue, and the Prophets of Baal built a big barbecue. And they had to get their god to set fire to the barbecue. So there were no matches, and no fire-lighters, and no petrol or other accelerants - that's a long word, isn't it? And the Prophets of Baal shouted and danced and nothing happened. So maybe Baal was asleep? So they shouted and danced some more. And nothing happened. So maybe Baal had gone to Tesco's to do some shopping? No, Jael, I'm sure he wasn't on the toilet. This is the Bible, and people didn't go to the toilet. And then they shouted and danced some more and - guess what? Nothing happened.

And then Elijah took a big jug of water, and poured it over the barbecue, and made it quite wet. And then he took another one, and made it really wet. And then he took another one, and poured it over and it was very, very wet. And then he prayed and prayed and - guess what? Oh, have you heard this one before, Tommi? But yes, the fire came down and burnt it all up. Just like happened to Hnaef's barbecue at 4 o'clock this morning.

And so everybody knew that God was the real god. Yes, Jenni, you'd have thought they'd have guessed from his name. But they didn't speak English, so maybe they couldn't work it out.
Did the Prophets of Baal start believing in God afterwards, Ronnie? Let me have a look at the next page and..... coo, lummy. Um... no, they didn't. But Elijah respected their strongly-held convictions, and let them join the Jerusalem inter-faith council. Yes, Shiraz, I'm sure it would have been more exciting if he'd had them all killed. But this is the Bible.


  1. No, Jimmy, I'm sure it wasn't really petrol that Elijah poured over his barbecue.

  2. I thought he had gone to the toilet - isn't that the meaning of the ancient euphemism "turned aside"?

  3. "Let me have a look at the next page and....."

    You must have turned over two pages at once. Shiraz guessed the ending aright. See I Kings 18:40:

    "And Elijah said unto them, Take the prophets of Baal: let not one of them escape. And they took them: and Elijah brought them down to tbe brook Kishon, and slew them there."


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