Introit - Grab a croissant or pain au chocolat, and your choice of skinny, black or full-fat coffee. Cappuccino extra.
First Hymn - Grab your voting pad, you can choose it yourself! This is real democratic church, so the biggest pledger gets to pick.
1st Reading - Our survey said the Bible was a bit predictable, so today we're offering a selection from "The Little Book of Calm"
Second Hymn - The winner of last week's "What second hymn should we have" poll was "anything but Teach me to dance"
2nd Reading - A selection of the least meaningful inspirational thoughts from Internet vicar bots. i.e. a load of random aphorisms that have more to do with self-help than Jesus.
Third Hymn - A few minutes of soft-rock, with a tasteful if slightly over-indulgent guitar solo after the third chorus.
The Message - Charlii's inspirational thought will be accompanied by an audio-visual presentation, dancers, 3D effects, haunting music to back up the key points and a fair number of anecdotes to make everyone feel good.
Prayers - will be mostly for ourselves. However if anyone has any particular political agendas, can they text them to the prayer-line and we'll project them on the big screen.
Closing Hymn - something to make us feel good about ourselves.
If anyone feels particularly challenged by anything during the service can they let a member of the leadership know? We'll try and make sure it doesn't happen again.