We have received a letter from the Environment Department at the Council. Someone has complained that we have somebody living in Bottom Spinney. The council say we may be breaching planning regs, and there is a threat to call in the immigration authorities.
Naturally I have responded. There is a Wodewose living in the Spinney. He lives there because Wodewosen live in woods. They are not to be confused with Pogles, who are smaller and gentler, but the idea is the same. They scorn the use of houses, although this one tends to sneak into the Doily Shed in very cold weather.
Far from being an immigration issue, the Wodewosen were ancient in our land before any Angle arrived to name them in their brutish tongue. I asked Woody what they had been called in Welsh, but he says he can't pronounce it - just a load of L's and W's, he reckons.
He did offer to go down to Dunstable and sort the issue himself; but we advised against it. Can you imagine - an ancient wood-man walking through Dunstable with a five-foot club as a weapon? He would not last ten minutes.
He then tried to convince me that he had been lined up to be the original model for the Cerne Abbas giant, but "They didn't have enough chalk", then walked off laughing. I wonder why that was funny?