Charlii came to me this afternoon with her new Grand Plan. You have to say, she has not let the grass grow under her feet.
Charlii has recognised a lack of vision, inspiration and general oomph about the many satellite communities which orbit the Husborne Crawley mother ship. She sees them as sheep without a shepherd, as comets without a star to orbit - as lacking the direction that a certain amount of centralisation can bring. She has therefore made the following appointments:
Director for Rural Communities: Osric.
Executive Enabler for Agricultural Evangelism and Local Yokel Engagement: Mostyn.
Missioner for Mission: Gertryd.
Visionary for Vision: Chelsii.
Outreach Arch-Assistant Archdruid with special Responsibility for Reading: Ragwort.
Naturally I did what any Treasurer worth their salt would do in the circumstances. I grumbled about the cost. Charlii took my point, and then took an Executive Decision.
It is therefore with sadness that I have to announce that the local Druids of the La Tene Folk of Leighton Buzzard, the Deepings Diaspora, the Corded Ware Folk of Caddington, the the Ampthill Assembly and the Rednecks of Reading have just been made "Moot House for Duty". This is like a zero hours contract, except without the pay if you actually do any hours. And if you do no pastoral work, the Visioner for Vision phones you up to ask if you have no commitment.
I will admit, Dear Readers, I am not a man of great social awareness. Thankfully this has been a great blessing in a life working in Financial computer systems. But even I could see the flaw in this policy. By enabling a situation where far-flung communities had Druids who would surely starve in the gutter or resort to getting jobs in Spearmint Rhino or - worse - advertising to make ends meet - surely this would make matters worse?
Charlii has taken my point, but possibly too well once again. So she has appointed Golfrice as Enablement Enabler and Lay Invigoratrix, charged with ensuring that non-Druids are able to run things themselves without constantly falling back on Auntie for assistance.
In order to pay Golfrice's wages, I therefore have to announce that the Windmill Hill Folk of Westoning, the Auroch Herders of Aylesbury and the Flint Knappers of Flitwick will also now be without a local paid Druid. Charlii says don't worry - it's all gonna work out.