Thursday, 19 December 2013

Litany of Regret on a Stag Trip to Disneyland Paris

Response: it's a small world, after all

Woe is us, for we are greatly undone
For we set out for a "Christmassy" stag day
But the MK Wonderland weren't so wonderful
Indeed it brought our hearts down unto the ground.
For the ice rink was a large plastic bag
And the Santas were like unto skinny lads
Which groweth barely bumfluff, not a full white beard, upon their chins.
And the reindeer were like unto labrador dogs with comedy antlers
Which do howl until sunset
And Rudolph was nowhere to be found.

And so we cried havoc and let slip the dogs of war for an alternative venue (for Young Keith said Charlii would not mind, when he had visited the inn that is called Wether-spoons, which lieth nigh unto the station)
And so we followed the star that is called Euro (after changing at Euston) and went unto the land of the Dis-ney-ites, where  there is found the Mouse that is called Mickey
And the woman who is as white as snow
And an Behemoth with absurdly large ears, which is named Dumbo.

And thereunto we arrived, and came upon an ride that is called "Pirates of the Caribbean", where Young Keith did wax great wrath with the boat in front, from whose gunwales the Children of Belgium did throw water at us.

And Young Keith did leap like a goat in the heights, and wage war upon the Children of Belgium, and did sink them in six inches of water.

And then did we have to leg it quick, before the fierce Armies of Disney did catch us
And leg it from the camps of the Dis-ney-ites
And try to hide the giant Mouse costume that Young Keith had acquired
At the breach of several commandments
And hide in an log cabin in the camps of Da-vey Crock-ett until our return train was due.

And now our hearts are sunken within us
For our clean clothes are back at the hotel
And Charlii will wax wroth
Because she expected Keith back two days ago.
And there is no good in us.
And it was my job to keep him safe
And he received a black eye from Mickey in acquiring that mouse costume.
And we are sunken into the pit.

Oh, for the wings of a dove, that we might fly away and not face the wrath that is to come.
And we are gonna get it mightily when we're back in Husborne Crawley.

1 comment :

  1. All sounds pretty reasonable for a stag night, to me. Why would Charlii object?


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