Wednesday, 1 January 2014

First Unicorn of the Year

As we always say round here, the first to bag a unicorn in the New Year will be lucky all year.

It always seems such a shame. They're such graceful, intelligent beasts. And it's not like you can eat them - they're far too salty. After being left off the Ark and having to swim for it in the Great Flood, they had to evolve rapidly to balance the osmotic pressure, and went too far. The sea was much saltier in those days - something the so-called "scientists" and "theologians" don't tell us.

And you can't wear their skins, because they're really irritating. Ten minutes of wearing a unicorn hide and you come out in hives.

So really we just do it for the sport, and for the thrill of getting the first one of the year. Still, tradition's tradition. I'm off to get my harpoon gun mounted on the 4x4. Tally ho!


  1. If you soak the meat in fresh spring water for a week and a day, it becomes quite palatable, or so I am told.

  2. I suppose you have considered and rejected the possibility of finding a virgin in Bedfordshire on New Year's Day?


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