Friday, 3 January 2014

Re-imagining History - If Sir Alex Ferguson Hadn't Retired

Many Manchester United fans have been bemoaning the team's relatively lowly position in the league this year, including several defeats at the "Theatre of Dreams" and ending up below Tottenham and Liverpool by the New Year. Some might consider that a key issue was the introduction as manager of David Moyles, following the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson.

But what would have happened if SAF had stuck in the saddle for a couple of years? An intriguing clue has been found, in a stream of quantum data that has snuck through a black hole from a parallel galaxy. It appears to be encoding an edition of Match of the Day from towards the end of the 2014-5 season.

Lineker: So really quite a disappointing end to the campaign for Man Utd, Robbie, and I guess now we're going to have to expect Sir Alex to step down?

Savage: I think so, Gary. Last year, despite having a squad due for serious renewal and with Roonie and Van Persie injured - and even when Hernandez was unexpectedly eaten by that lion in Nantwich - they scraped by, got second place and a consolation in the FA Cup.

Lineker: But it was his rebuilding in the close season, wasn't it? We expected that some might be due for moving out - Evra, Nani, Roonie. And there were always doubts about de Gea. But that wholesale clearout, Mark?

Lawrenson: Yes. And at the time we thought maybe the pressure had got to him. Or maybe his conviction that he had overcome everybody in the past, and outlived all his rival managers - maybe it brought on megalomania. He simply thought that he was all-powerful, and could do no wrong. I could understand him getting rid of a lot of those players......

Lineker:  But replacing them all with cephalapods of the order Teuthida?

Savage: That was very strange. Obviously, they did better when it was raining. But it can't help when half your team dries out while playing in the Community Shield. Really, it was remarkable that they avoided relegation.

Lawrenson: It just goes to show that Alan Hansen was right. You can't win anything with squids.

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