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Wednesday, 19 March 2014

The Day They Cut t'Bingo Tax

Wally Batt's Voice is heard across the sound of Dvorak's "New World Symphony"

Aye, ah remember when ah 'eard.

Ah'd rid t'bike down t'hill, past t'food bank, down to t'superstore, and pushed it back wi' a couple of loaves of Tesco Value bread. We couldn't afford Hovis.

And when ah got 'ome, there were me mother and me father, singing in t'front room - the one we kept for special occasions, until they introduced the bedroom tax. Then we had to sub-let it to a bloke called Alf.
And me mum said to me, hast not heard? They've halved the tax on bingo! And beer's down by a penny a pint!

And me dad were pleased, an all. He said he didn't have to buy an annuity any more - he could take out his pension in a lump sum, and decide it how to invest it himself. Or he could 'ave, if e'd got a pension. He couldn't afford to put any in after the owner at t'mill stopped the final salary scheme in the 2002.

Still, if the old folks were 'appy then so were I. Fer a minute we thought of changing our bank account. But instead we had some Tesco Value bread. Wi' real polyunsaturated spread.

A couple of hours later, me mum went off to bingo to celebrate, and me dad went off down t'hill to t'pub. And I wondered - even wi' the generous change in the tax regime, 'ow could they suddenly afford ter go out when they'd 'ad no disposable income since the financial collapse? Was it that George Osborne 'ad produced an economic miracle?

But when me dad came 'ome, it all became clear.  They'd sold me bike.

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