I reckon the press has got right into Lent.
Smoking parents shorten their children's lives (BBC)
Eating protein shortens your life (Gruaniad)
Eating sugar shortens your life (Plymouth Herald - with a quote from a "Plymouth Expert", no less)
Drinking shortens your life (Telegraph)
So if you can't get your calories from protein, sugar or alcohol, that only leaves consuming carpet or fat. Is that really right? And is Axminster carpet better than nylon?