"Did you know that every time a woman is ordained, a fairy dies?
Every ordination of a woman demeans every other woman who hasn't been ordained. This doesn't apply to men, of course. When men are ordained, all the other non-ordained men can walk tall, knowing more men are doing the job they are designed for.
We don't agree with women's ordination, but if a woman is ordained - not to the priesthood, as that's a bit catholic - just to the ordained ministry - the best thing she can do is keep quiet about it. Maybe wear a dog collar when nobody's looking, but otherwise just keep hoovering. Not one of those complicated hoovers - she might need her husband to adjust the settings, and he could be busy with a proper job. Who knows? He might even be a vicar.
Did you know since 1992 the Church of England as a whole has got smaller? Obviously we aren't blaming women in the priesthood for that, and causation isn't correlation, but - well, just join the dots, eh? It's obvious.
Did you know that the majority of the English congregations that are declining - and 100% of all declining Church of England dioceses - are led by men? Yes, you're right. It's a silly stat. Who would mess around with pointless statements like this?
Why can't they stick to flower arranging and visiting paupers?"
Sorry..... Sorry...... It's here. I must have got the draft version.