Saturday, 15 August 2015

New Tolkien Book - "The Shopping List of Isildur" - to be Published

It's the publishing event of the year. After years of research and analysis, a team from Oxford University have managed to publish "The Shopping List of Isildur".

This volume, with just 4 lines of actual text but 721 pages of appendices, in a handsome embossed leather cover, will be retailing for £72.99. It is believed that it represents JRR Tolkien's vision of what Isildur would have sent his squire Ohtar out to buy before the battle of the Gladden Fields.

"From the handwritten note found pinned to Tolkien's fridge after he died," said Professor Trollbane of Brasenose College, "it would appear that Isildur was needing 6 eggs, a loaf of bread, a bottle of Bass ale and a box of matches. The irony is that Isildur never managed to drink that bottle of bass and eat eggs on toast to celebrate his victory, as he was killed by orcs." 

Professor Trollbane is now working on his next recovery of the late Oxford don and author's Middle Earth fantasy - "Elrond's Note to the Milkman". There is a rumour that it may turn out that Elrond, far from being a brave and just ruler, was a racist.


  1. Makes sense to me. Hope they publish a plausible follow up for how Mrs Beaver got her sewing machine, while the later books seemed to revert to the technology of the 14th Century.

    Perhaps Aunt Hetty's mattress sewing needle adhered to Uncle Andrew's shoe and fell off un-noticed when the animals up-ended him in Narnia, creating a sewing-machine tree. I see royalties....

  2. He met his match and ended up with egg on his face when the orcs made toast of him. I'll drink to that.


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