Thursday, 12 November 2015

Prime Ministers' Question Time

Speaker: The Prime Minister!

David Cameron: Is the Prime Minister aware of the appalling effect of austerity cuts on the services provided by Local Government? I have been speaking to a council leader in Oxfordshire who is unable to provide front-line services.

DC: Look, we all know that the Right Honourable member has opposed everything this Government has had to do to clear up the mess the previous Government left. Councils will have to find savings in administrative posts, and greater efficiencies.

DC: It is typical of the Prime Minister to blame the previous Conservative Government for everything. In my own constituency, cuts have been so severe that the entire Environment, Social Services and Lighting departments are run by one woman, a Mrs Goggins who also runs the sub-post-office. Is the Prime Minister prepared to come to my constituency to see for himself the damage his policies are causing?

DC: I am pleased to say I very recently visited the Right Honourable Member's constituency. I spent a Saturday afternoon in an antique shop and a tea room, and then left one of my children in a pub in Stow-on-the-Wold. And neither my family, the shopkeeper nor the Portuguese waitress in the tea room complained about a lack of social services. At least, I presume the waitress didn't. She was speaking Portuguese. But I promise the Right Honourable Gentleman that she is just the kind of hard-working person that we will be stopping accessing any services at all once we have completed our negotiations with Europe.

Speaker: The Right Honourable Jeremy Corbyn!
(Cries of "God save the Queen", "Did you kiss her" etc)

JC: I have a letter from Tracy in Amersham. She asks, "Please could you play Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade, and can you say hello to my sister, Angela who's just starting work..."


  1. Why have you cut out the "u" in honourable?

  2. I think it's about time some MP went on TV to live on benefits for a whole week, only to discover that it's perfectly possible and he doesn't know what all the bleating is about.....Then heading back to his (purchased on expenses) London mansion to pick up his platinum credit card with which he pays for any taxes h can't claim on expenses, new sets of clothes and shoes for himself and family, any outstanding utilities bills, the latest food deliveries from Waitrose, M&S and Ocado, and the deposit on that January Caribbean holiday he's been promising the wife ever since they got back (as long ago as September) from their last chillaxing.

    Did I ever quote the Lyke-Wake Dirge as a comment, on this blog? If not, peeps please look it up - it's very apposite.


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