In a radical stepping-up of his recent remarks, Donald Trump has called for a ban on mosquitoes.
"What I'm saying is, if we want to keep the USA safe for good ol' white boys to shoot up shopping malls without the danger of Muslim terrorists, we need to keep out Muslims. And if we want to protect American jobs and keep down crime, we need to keep out Mexicans.
"And the most dangerous of all are Mexican Muslims. And what's the Mexican for 'mosque'? It's 'mosquito'. We must act now and ban all mosquitoes before the Mexican Muslims start spreading malaria."
A spokesperson for Mr Trump, calling himself EL Ron Whisty, later clarified that in calling for the elimination of mosquitoes, Mr Trump was also looking to ban mesquite, muskrats and - just to be on the safe side - moss.