Bit of a backlash to this evening's "Winnowing of Candidates". Some said we'd hurt their feelings.
Every year we get the candidates for the Druidic School. And we assess them for the degree to which their potential for ministry is about making themselves feel good by doing good things, being the centre of attention etc - and the degree to which they believe they can do good.
At the end of a rigorous interviewing process, we divide them into two groups based on this criterion. The members of the former group have the word "NEEDY" impressed on their foreheads with a stamp and a lump of bitumen.
The latter group are stamped "HUMAN BACON" with some butchery tool. It doesn't really mean anything - it just freaks them out.
The distinction doesn't mean much, either. The Beaker selection process is mostly determined by whether you're self-assured, with a posh voice. So all have won this year, and all will receive prizes.