Do you have a unlimited amount of spare time and no desire to spend it in the garden, on the beach, or doing up the house?
Have you an unfulfilled desire to walk in front of vicars while carrying a large stick you are not allowed to use as a weapon?
Do you have no talents in stone masonry, boiler maintenance, Kung Fu, or bell lubrication - but a strange urge to "give it a go"?
Do you have a good head for heights and an interest in bending lead into interesting shapes?
Do you get sufficiently lonely that the alarm company phoning you up every night will cheer you up?
Then why not be a Church Warden? Wages are zero, so you might think you're better off being a bell ringer. But let's face it - who fixed the bells last time one fell off? That's right. Be a Church Warden and the bells will probably fall on somebody else.