Here at Beaker Folk, we like to push the frontiers of liturgy. And on a spring day like today, with the daffs in their fourth straight month of flowering and heading for a fifth - what could be more springlike than our Springlike Springiness Service?
Now I'm aware this particular liturgy hasn't gone well in the past. There have been a number of injuries. And so we put in some additional Health and Safety precautions. Held it outside. On the astroturf football pitch. Only six acolytes, which kept the number of petrol-driven pogo sticks to a bare minimum.
Still, it's a high-impact liturgy. And during the hymn "I spring up high, I fall back down", the people on space-hoppers came off the trampoline.
In retrospect, you shouldn't have multiple people on space hoppers on trampolines during action songs. But how were we to know that it would set up standing waves like that? One minute they were happily singing the line "I stamp my feet and I bounce around", the next they were trapped in a hideous resonance.
I'll never forget the looks of terror. After 30 seconds in which they all bounced higher and higher, there came an almighty "twang", and Beaker Folk and space hoppers were flying everywhere.
Still, at least the space hoppers kept smiling.