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Friday, 23 September 2016

Liturgy for the Retirement of the Midsomer Murders Dog, Sykes

Archdruid: To everything there is a season.

All: Turn, turn turn.


Archdruid: A time to throw sticks.

All: And a time to chase them.

Archdruid: A time for walkies.

All: And a time to have a nice sit down.

Archdruid: A time wonder why Barnaby always leaves his missus to do all the dog walking.

All: And a time to wonder how fast everybody would leave Midsomer if it really had that crime rate, but only two murder detectives.

Archdruid: A time to investigate dodgy new age communities.

All: A time to wonder whether the planning permission at the Grange has pushed the incomer businessman over the edge.

Archdruid: A time to be a sinister vicar.

All: And a time to be a really sinister vicar.

He's in the shady ground behind the East Transept.
"Evil vicar"

Archdruid: A time to have a chat with the friendly barmaid down at the Cricketers' Arms.

All: And a time to discover she's done in the leader of the Mothers' Union with a snooker cue.

Archdruid: A time to be a friendly dog who steals the kid's favourite cuddly toy.

All: And a time to have a nice quiet sit by the fire in a house where someone will look after you through your autumn days.

Archdruid: May the blessing of a dog be with you.

All: Fur ever and ever.

Sykes By Miyagawa - Own work, CC BY 3.0

5 comments :

  1. There has never been an explanation why the Dog is called Sykes?

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    Replies
    1. I long since lost the mental stamina required to sit through a whole episode of Midsomer Murders. Besides, you knew whodunnit from the start - it was the psychotic bell-ringer, or a priest who has lost his faith.

      Living in the Midsomers is clearly injurious to health, given the body-count. Like whenever Jessica Fletcher or Rosemary and Thyme hove into view…. Let’s just say, don’t be anywhere near them if you want to make old bones. When they turn up, “it was moyder”. Actually no, that was Macmillan And Wife, wasn’t it. At least Jim Rockford had to receive a telephone message to tell him a gruesome death has occurred, instead of spontaneously generating one by his mere presence at a village fete or something.

      Delete
  2. At least Sykes has never committed any murders (so far), but they must be running out of survivors.

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  3. There's an old showbiz saying, Never try to act with a child or a dog. Eddie was the high point of the admirable Frasier series.

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