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Friday, 14 October 2016

Liturgy for the Battle of Hastings 950th Anniversary

Hymn: The War Song (B. George)

The Holy Grove of St Bogwulf stands empty, the last shreds of mist melting in the sun's strengthening rays.

Afar off, a knell is rung softly.

The Incense Bloke burns the big pan of myrrh, filling the grove with a sorrowful essence of mourning and grieving.

A procession enters the grove - it is one half of the Beaker Folk, dressed as house carls.

Archdruid: There they are, Normans!  Get them!

Aldoue of Brittany: Who are you calling a Norman?

Archdruid: Breton low life!  Charge anyway!

The other half of the Beaker Folk tear into the grove, dressed as Normans (and one stroppy Breton)

Blows are exchanged with authentic replica weapons (rolled up newspapers) 

The Norman crossbowmen put in a withering barrage of Nerf darts.

The Saxons are driven from the field.

Albert Steptoe: 'Arold?

Harold: Not now, Farther. I have something in my eye.

Archdruid: And so the last successful invasion of England took place.

Hnaef: Apart from when the Dutch invaded.

Archdruid: The Dutch? Oh yeah, right.

Nigel Farage: And the Belgians.

Archdruid: Now you're just making it up.

Hymn: War (What is it good for?) (E. Starr - to "Stanford" in A)

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