Recommended Ring Bearers at Weddings

Obviously I was really grumpy at the news that the best man at a wedding had been attacked by a ring-bearing owl. I'd never thought of it myself. What's real life doing being stupider than this blog? And let's face it, I've seen a lot of people attacked by animals in church services. I should have thought of it.


Still, to jump on the bandwagon, here's the Beaker guide to good and bad things to have carrying the ring at your wedding or handfasting.

Wise

• Small children
• Best man, best woman, best person, best non-binary person, best supporting part
• Groom/Bride's Uncle or Aunt
• A troupe of firefighters
• Maid of Honour
• The minister (temporarily - they tend to shake a lot and could drop them)
• Collie dogs as long as they don't round up the bridesmaids and pen them, quivering, in the children's ghetto area at the back of the church under the impression it's a sheep pen.
• Good hobbits
• Bats (they are often conveniently to hand if the Best Man can't stand up)
• Members of the Royal Family

Unwise

• Killer owls
• Killer whales
• Boris Johnson
• Bad hobbitses
• Rosebud the dog from "Columbo"
• Members of Northamptonshire County Council
• Wraiths
• Anybody in a Situation Comedy
• Wolves
• Mother of the Bride's first husband's step-sister
• Kleptomaniacs

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Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you. From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.