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From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

Thursday, 19 April 2018

Liturgy of Removing St Morrissey's Day from the Beaker Common Prayer

Archdruid: He was looking for some eggs and then he found some eggs

All: And heaven knows he's miserable now.

Archdruid: Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to rip St Morrissey's Day from the Beaker Common Prayer. And be it known that, though I would love to amend the version on Lulu, I've lost the password so I can't.

All: Easy done, your pointy-hattedness.

Archdruid: We are now to rip the appropriate pages out of this book, not because he is a vegetarian, but because Morrisey is a right-wing apologist and total wingnut.

Ken Livingstone: You know who else was a vegetarian and a total right-wing wingnut? Hit....

Archdruid: Bag him, Hnaef.

Red Ken is put into the Big Sack to be put outside. 

Archdruid: And so we display the horcruxes of Morrisey. A punctured bicycle. A bunch of glads. A hearing aid. And...

Ken Livingstone: Hitler?

Archdruid: OK Hnaef. Did you forget to tie the bag up?

Red Ken is put into the Big Tote and chucked on the conveniently-just-installed conveyor, o be put away in the Automatic Storage and Retrieval Mechanism in the car park. 

Archdruid: And the last horcrux is... oh, hang on. It's Johnny Marr. That ain't happening. OK. Let's rip the pages out.

The pages are ripped out. 

 Archdruid: OK. Place them in the Pail of De-Morrisseying.

The pages are placed in the Paul of De-Morrisseying. 

All: Are you going to burn them?

Archdruid: Certainly not. I'm going to soak them in milk. That will really annoy him.

Hnaef: Anyone for a barbie?

Archdruid: Meat is murder.

Hnaef: Yeah, but a nice juicy steak, with a bit of mustard, the blackened edges crumbling in heir own...

Archdruid: Oh go on. Just the one. For Morrissey's sake.

All: It won't make him happy.

Archdruid: But then nothing ever does. Let us join in the eternal response. Hang the DJ.

All: Hang the DJ.

Archdruid: Hang the DJ.

All: Hang the DJ.

Archdruid: Hang the DJ.

All: Hang the DJ.

Archdruid: Hang the DJ.



Want to support this blog?
Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

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