Every year the Beaker People choose a Scapegoat, on whom everything bad that happens is blamed for the following year. Then at the Blame Ceremonies, whoever's fault anything is, we officially transfer the Blame to the Scapegoat. Then we can all get on with our lives. Saves bearing grudges...
Traditionally we keep the shortlist a secret, and then decide that Drayton Parslow is the Scapegoat in a closed-doors meeting to which only Hnaef and I are invited. But this year, in a hat-tip to the Conservative Party's open primaries, I thought I would share this year's nominations. And then make the final decision in a closed-doors meeting. So much more democratic.
So the shortlist for the Beaker Scapegoat Shortlist is as follows:
- Drayton Parslow (official Scapegoat a record 7 times, including last year. But then he deserves it)
- Jedward (the danger being that we can't remember who he/they/it are come the middle of the year)
- Gordon Brown (of course)
- Alex Ferguson (ditto)
- The Met Office
- Ant (whichever one he is)
- Dec (whichever one he is)
- Fred the Shred
- Bertie Bassett (controversial, we know)
- Vladimir Putin
- Anyone called Alfie
- Fabio Capello (bit speculative, but we think we're safe in assuming he can do the job come July)
- Tiger Woods (if there's a wagon, we like to get the band on it)
- Osama Bin Laden (for all we know he's now hiding out on Aspley Heath. So he probably is).
What about her Cage Fighter, cross dressing boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteHe seemed to be loser of the year, dumped on "Im a Celebrity" than reinstated when she felt like it.
Punchup with another former boyfriend, now on Celebrity Big Brother.
He must go on the list.
Is it too late to leave a few nominations? How about:
ReplyDeleteJeremy Clarkson - for his latest hate filled gaffe (applies at any time)
Simon Cowell - for almost everything he has ever said or done
Nick Clegg - for not providing enough of an alternative
Michael Jackson's doctor
Thierry Henry - unless we've forgotten the handball by then