Limitations on Alternative Worship

Now, everybody knows I like Alternative Worship.  In fact, nobody likes a nice bit of alternative worship more than me.  Except Mrs Hnaef, of course.  And Edith Weston.  Oh yes, and particularly Sally Coleman.  In fact, thinking about it, most people like alt.worship more than me.

Take this evening's Freezing Up of Beakers service.  Now, I've encouraged Hnaef when he's wanted to use incense.  I'll be honest, I'm not always a big fan of it.  But I was supportive.  And I ensured he got the nice Catholic incense, which goes up to heaven, not the Anglican stuff that hangs around at ground level.
But Heelys?  Who suggested to Hnaef that Heelys, of all the things on Gaia's good earth, were a good idea for the thurifer?

Oh sure, it looked very impressive, as poor Marston Mortaine glided ceremonially down the central aisle in the Dining Room, flanked by a tea-lightifer on either side.  Graceful.  Elegant. Their Blue hi-biz glowing under the UV lighting that Hnaef insisted would add the finishing touches to the procession.  Diminished only slightly by Marston's technique of swinging the thurible manically around his head.  Made the people sitting next to the aisle duck, I can tell you.

Hnaef had told me that his plan was for the three of them, in their flowing graceful movements, to resemble a very small flock of wild geese as they soar in V-formation.  In the event they resembled a very small flock of large turkeys, as they suddenly realised they hadn't learnt how to slow down.  Smashing into the French Windows like a trio of gormless sparrows on a conservatory, and then sliding again - very slowly - down the glass.

Not a great end to a graceful beginning.  And yet the assembled Beaker Folk assumed it was Pantomime Service time again, cheering the three of them to the rafters and yelling "She's Behind You!"  So all in all, I guess you'd call it a qualified success.  But nonetheless - no more Heelies, and we're sending all future potential Thurifers for a month's crash course at St Dunstan's.  That's not crash as in... well, you know what I mean.  Basically, it was all very silly.  Stop it.