Litany for Watching a Facebook Service Upload on a Saturday Afternoon

Oh how many are my woes

All week long have I worked at this service and sermon

For it is given that for six days shall we labour

working out the best camera angles

wishing we had a proper camera, like unto All Saints Northampton

and not just this Chromebook

which maketh my face look like unto the pumpkin

and my voice to sound even like Kermit which is called the Frog

and splicing musical interludes

and contributions from members of the congregation

into a liturgical tour de force

a performance to make even Angela Tilby proud. 

And I have checked the copyright laws

even for the eighty-third time.

And on the seventh day shall I sit looking at a bar that saith "processing: 40%"

and all day long have I held out my hands 

at the computer screen

saying "How long, O Lord?

"How long shall I be trapped in this study

worrying that if I look not at the screen

the upload shall crash

under the strain of thousands of clergies

all over the world

all uploading their worship at the same time?"

And I think to myself - shall I trust instead unto Zoom?
And I think - probably not after the other week.

I'm not having that happen again.

And so shall I sit and weep

and pour out my tears upon the desk

and wait for the coming of the little red box

on the notification bell

that tells me that my work is complete

and I can enjoy my Sabbath rest

until the emails come in tomorrow

telling me it isn't working.

Surely this will be my life all the days of lockdown

and I shall abide in my study 

looking at the sunshine outside the window

until the summer is gone

and this video is not saved.

Better start again.

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