Friday's Programme

We put it to the vote which event to celebrate today - the options being Norgay and Hillary climbing Everest (we prefer not to say "conquering" - has imperialist, militaristic overtones) and Charles II's return from exile as king of England, Scotland, Ireland and (he claimed) France.  Needles to say the Fertility Folk voted for Charley Boy, while the rest went for Everest.  So in the interests of community harmony, we went for both.

8am - Clambering up mountain of cardboard boxes representing Everest

10 am - Liniments and Embrocations

12 noon - The wearing of wigs, frilly sleeves and lots of lace (NB - several folk of the Community were confused with hard-line Forward in Faith members.  We think they'll all back from Benediction now, but we'll have a full Community count at 8pm to make sure).

2 pm - Recreating of climbing Nell Gwynne (optional activity for the Fertility Folk).

4 pm - Sending of telegram to the Queen

6 pm - Recreation of the exhumation of Cromwell and Ireton (using a couple of tailor's dummies we picked up cheap at the Officers' Club closing-down sale).  Followed by dragging the dummies around the village behind a 4x4 until Young Keith's uncle the policeman stops us.

8 pm - The beheading of the tailors' dummies and their ceremonial burning on the cardboard Everest, will bring together the twin threads of today's activities and bring the formal part of the day to an end.