Many Beaker People have been beside themselves with worry at the thought that the world may end in 2012. Yordred has been reading the signs of the times, Gilbrethionel has been drinking solidly since he heard the news, and Burton Dasset has made himself an Anderson shelter in the orchard. I did ask Burton how, if the world is going to end, sitting in a hole with a piece of corrugated iron over him is going to help and he said it worked for his granny, so it's good enough for him. Hey ho.
Many have asked for my spiritual advice, and here it is:
Many have asked for my spiritual advice, and here it is:
- The Mayan civilisation was so bad at forseeing the future that they didn't twig that the right thing to do when meeting a Spaniard carrying a crucifix and a gun was to run as far and fast as they could. What are the chances they could get the end of the world right?
- 2012 is the London Olympics. After the fiasco of forty years of failing to land a major sporting event, it is probably a good year to expect Hell to freeze over, rather than the end of the world.
- Many New Age people predict that 2012 will be the year that everything becomes much better - an age of the Spirit when everyone will be in touch with their inner Tweenie. Oh hang on, they did that in 1968 as well.
- The extreme evangelical Christians think 2012 will be the end. But they also thought Jimmy Swaggart was plausible, that orange is the correct skin tone for church leaders, and that the number of the Beast can be found encoded onto groceries.
In order to settle everyone's nerves, we will be holding a series of "2012 - Business as Usual" sessions in the Big Tent that we've brought in while we're clearing the new Moot House of clay. As a tribute to the indigenous peoples (or mostly former peoples) of middle America we will be playing Gabriel's Oboe on a loop while lighting tea lights representing every day from now to 1 January 2013. And Hnaef will be selling the 2012 calendars that we managed to buy cheap from an evangelical stationer. We'll be knocking off 10% because for some reason they don't go past 21 December.
I don't see how much help Jimmy Anderson is going to be to Burton Dassett. He's hardly been on top form this summer.
ReplyDeleteCareful with those tealights. 'Research' has shown that tealights used in alternative worship contribute more to global warming than air travel and the European Parliament combined. You might actually bring about the end of the world in 2012 if you use too many.
Dear Archdruid,
ReplyDeleteWhy 2012? I thought the rapture has happened already, as Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins have shown conclusively in their multi-volume study on being 'left behind', we have all been, well, left behind.
Confused,