The ideal Christmas Gifts

Only 42 shopping days to Christmas, including Christmas Day (well, Tesco's may be tempted...).  So we're pleased to offer the "Beaker" range of toiletries.  Made with your special ones in mind.














A night on the Heath

The perfect perfume to express your loved one's natural, wilder side.  With overtones of pine, walnut notes, and undertones of grunchy acorn and heather - all given an edge with just a hint of terror.

Aromatherapy
With lavender, camomile and lemon balm, this perfume is hopeless if you're out on the pull, but you'll sleep for a week so you won't care.
Hunk

Ideal for that Beaker Secularist in your life.  The synthetic orangutan pheromones won't make them any more attractive to women, but at least it's going to give them hope.


Worship Leader
"Worship Leader" - the ideal scent for earnest blokes with sweaters and a knowledge of 3-4 chords on the guitar (Bm is so difficult...)  With the whiff of wild Celtic Heather, heavy on oil and a nagging hint of cheese.

Decque the Halls

A festive mixture of holly berries, myrrh and eggnog.  This parfum is Christmas in a bottle.

The Sweet Smell of Fervour
An ecumenical eau de toilette - a devout mixture of incense and charismatics' underarms.  Be lifted to another dimension.

Coal-Tar soap
Not natural in any way, but we got a job-lot cheap in a closing-down sale.

Ordinariate
With a hint of paranoia, the sweet smell of dithering, and an unaccountable scent of money being carefully counted.

"Yew'll be Sorry - Belladonna, Yew berries and Essence of Foxglove make this the perfect gift for that elderly aunt who just won't pop off and leave you the inheritance.   Not available (or indeed required) in Switzerland. [Archdruid's Note - this perfume has been withdrawn under pressure from the Bedfordshire and Thames Valley constabularies.  The Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley do not recommend bumping off elderly relatives, no matter how big their houses.]


And the good news is, that the Beaker Collection has all been tested on guinea pigs.  So you can use them confident in the knowledge that they're safe.