A Beaker Secularist Seasonal Message (not Christmas, obviously)

Obviously he can't mention which season this message is seasonal to (it's Christmas), but welcome to Albert Beard, the president (and only member) of the Beaker Secularists, to give his Secular Seasonal Message.

"Once again, the Beaker Secularists have made great steps forward this year.  We know from the internet forums that there are many - possibly dozens - of teenagers, spotty students and lonely computer programmers, all anxious to fight for the secular cause, by any means that does not involve getting off their atheist backsides and actually doing something, or spending money on it.  And we know that a minority of only 60% of the population claim to have a Christian belief.  While a further 60% have problems with numeracy.  And by counting only members of the Church of England, rather than all those with a faith, and then quoting very carefully, we can make it look like only 5% of people went to Church last Christmas.  However untrue and misleading this is.  But hey - it's not like we answer to a higher power, is it?

By contrast, the evil deists in this country seem not only to have their intolerant and immoral beliefs, but also a willingness to part with their own money to advance their cause.  That's hardly fair, is it?  When the 97% of people who are atheists in this country would willingly die for secularism if they could be bothered to get out of their living rooms.

Just consider.  If the people who rant about their support for atheism on internet forums were to stump up and pay subscriptions to the Beaker Secularist society, I would be able to afford a suit big enough to accommodate my expanding waistline.  A waistline, I hasten to say, that has expanded due to the happiness that secularism has brought me, and not due to my own inability to get off my backside and do something.

 Those people in the BNP agree with me.  They don't like immigrants either.  Those immigrants coming over here with their alien Christianity, when the native population just want to be free to pursue their traditional activities of drinking alco-pops and fighting in the High Street.  It's just not right.

So in summary - please join and please give us some money.  There's only me left now and I'm getting very lonely.  And happy Christmas Yule Winter Solstice  New Year.

(In a completely unrelated matter - we notice that the Seasonal Message of the Secular Society refers to its spokesperson in its meta-tag as "Terry Sandesron".  The webmaster could at least have got his name right?)
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