Litany of Excuses

"Jack-knifed lorry in Woburn Sands"
"People just couldn't get up that hill north of Hockliffe"
"Just got stuck.  Had to spend three hours in the Green Man in Woburn.  Would you believe it?"
"Couldn't even get off the drive.  Well, you know what our drive's like."
"Oooh - white stuff!  What's that mean?"
"Northants County Council - low tax, no salt.  How could we ever get down in time?"
"Let me tell you about my five hours in Luton".
"You know what the Chilterns are like.  I mean, Dunstable's Little Moscow at this time of year."
"Got stuck just south of Berko.  So impressed with the curate, I never left.  Well, I'd have to risk Ashridge to get here..."
"M1 Junction 13.  Need I say more?"

Thou who sendest the snow on the liar, the suicidally heroic and the diligent alike, forgive thou them that just hid under the blankets this morning.  Remember that we are but perishable flesh, that we suffer and bruise when wrapped around a lamp-post, and that Nicky Campbell told us that we should travel "only if absolutely necessary".  And not knowing what that meant (for indeed no-one died through our inertia) we stayed where we were.  Amen.