Not taking things too literally

Our discussion on "The Bible and Literalism" was very productive and interesting, although I think a few of you may have got the wrong end of the stick.


So first of all, and most urgently, Edith's been separated from her husband for a while now.  But the divorce is taking a while to come through, and she feels she has a right to her own life.  Whether you approve or not, can you all please put the stones down.  Now.

To assure Snelfield - in these days of polyester-cotton shirts it is acceptable to mix two kinds of cloth.  Apart from the Beaker Secularists, who just like to stick to nylon.  One of these days someone's really going to come to grief in a petrol station.

Trees of the field don't really clap their hands, so the Beaker Charismatics (if that's not an oxymoron) were totally wasting their morning playing their "Sounds of living Walters" CD in the woods.  As long as the congregation is made up of trees, the worship's never gonna "warm up".  And you can go and visit Dunstable Downs as many times as you like, they're still not going to burst into song.

Psalm 39 - "put a muzzle on my mouth" is metaphorical.  It may stop Gilbert from saying anything wicked, but on the other hand it's pretty difficult to work out what he's saying the rest of the time as well.

The "wolf lying down with the lamb" is a vision of an ideal future state.  The Safari park have told me that if they catch Burton in the wolf enclosure once more, they're going to take legal action.  And can he put the sheep back wherever he got it.  As for Balaam's ass, I don't know whether it's history, legend or fable but either way, Dogbreth's elocution classes are just annoying Digby's Donkey.

Psalm 3 - it actually says "O Lord how many are my foes."  Not toes - the type was just a bit worn on the page.  Can you all stop counting and put your shoes back on.  It's getting really smelly round here.

I'm locking up all the axes until further notice, by the way.  I don't care how plain the instructions in Matt 5 are, I don't believe this is the great leap way forward in dealing with personal temptation.  Not least because what would happen if both your hands offended against you?  How would you deal with the second?   (no diagrams, please).

And yes, there did appear to be a touch of damp in one corner of the Dining Room.  That did not mean Marston Mortaine had to demolish the wall and cart the rubble away to bury it in the orchard.

On more traditionally English literal beliefs, I hear that Drayton has been getting up extremely early and driving to the Rollright Stones in the hope of catching them going down the hill for a drink.  That explains why he's caught the cold, out in all that damp and frosty weather this week, and also why he keeps falling asleep during Pouring out of Beakers.  But stones don't actually move.  And, for Hnaef's information, throwing poor Edith in the pond to see if she floated, and sticking that pin in her to see if she bled, was a breach of her human rights.  I know Hnaef is responsible for discipline in the Community, but the Witchcraft Act has been repealed now.