Using the executive powers vested in me, I've just banned Drayton Parslow's latest pressure group, "Drayton4Archdruid", whose intention was to remove me as Archdruid and replace me with Drayton.
This comes hot on the heels of yesterday's banning of his previous pressure group, "Eileen Musthavelessroom". This was dedicated to reducing my suite of rooms to the same size as a standard Beaker Person's cell. While the other rooms went to Drayton.
Then last week I had to ban "Beaker Folk4Drayton".
And then there was "Free Husborne Crawley". It was ostensibly a campaign for Husborne Crawley independence. Not as daft as you may think - we would have made a fortune charging tolls to people crossing Husborne territory to visit Woburn Abbey, and could abolish income tax in the village. But actually it was me he wanted to free Husborne Crawley from, replacing my democratic, consensual Archdruidical rule with the tyranny of Drayton.
All in all I've banned 64 of Drayton's organisations over the last three years. And I'm beginning to think it's not achieving anything. At one point, realising that in fact Drayton is the only member of any of these groups, I banned Drayton Parslow. But he just came back, claiming that his name was Milton Malsor. Which I strongly suspect he'd just made up. I even paid for a few days for Joe Pasquale to walk around with Drayton, saying everything for him in his silly voice. But still he didn't see the error of his ways.
Still, [patriotic music plays in background] I will not cease from my ceaseless task, of banning all organisations which stand against me the values we all stand for - liberty, freedom, tea lights and my right to be Archdruid.
You know, it's just a long shot but I'm thinking that maybe beating him with sticks to drive out the demons might work?
Surely, Drayton is a case for action under the Anti-Social Behaviour rules, or even harassment laws, or more drastically, Treason?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, they have removed the death penalties or treason (Firing Squad at Dawn or Hanging by the Neck until Dead) under PC law reform, but the remaining penalties, including tying to a cartwheel and flogging or putting into the stocks and bombarding with rotten fruit and eggs, appear to have been overlooked.
While I am not suggesting that these penalties are not invoked without a fair trial (One person judge and jury (Arch Druid)), I feel that they could be invoked under Beaker Folk Common Law, which is made by the Arch Druid as far as I am aware.
Pictures of the punishment being administered would probably attract a rather strange and morbid audience if published on the internet, but might be lucrative with all income to the Arch Druid pocket (Sorry, Beaker Folk funds).