Restoring some order

I don't know. Three days I go away. Three days. And when I come back there's chaos.

Young Keith's uncle the police constable was round when I got back. There's been complaints in the village. Apparently Burton Dasset, under the impression that a number of people had been taken in a Roman Catholic Rapture, has taken to walking around kicking people in the shins to see if they were robots.

Things also rather came to a head at the "Week of Christian Unity" service in Bogwulf Chapel, at which Drayton Parslow was guest preacher. Drayton spent twenty minutes explaining why, on the basis of Scripture, Christian Unity should consist of everybody joining Drayton's church. The sermon came to an abrupt end when Burton climbed the steps into the pulpit and kicked Drayton in the shins. He then tried to control Drayton with his car lock remote control. All the time shouting "Tell the Pope to give us the real Drayton back, you android!" A number of Beaker People tried to wrestle Burton from the pulpit, but when they let go of him he kicked them in the shins as well. I tell you, there's nothing scarier than a rather naive accountant with a fixed idea.

Anyway, I've locked Burton in the Gulfing Room. Give him a couple of hours with the lavender oil and he should stop kicking people in the shins.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to visit Drayton. I think he needs a good kick in the shins.