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Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Moon Gibbon worshippers decimated

First, I believe it is incumbent upon me to point out two things:
1) by decimated, I don't mean that 9 out of every 10 of the Moon Gibbon worshippers have been slaughtered. I'm using the original meaning of the word: only 1 out of every 10 of the Moon Gibbon worshippers have been slaughtered (the Romans exercised brutal military discipline for cowardice, but they weren't stupid).
2) it wasn't Romans doing the slaughtering of the Moon Gibbon worshippers.
3) the Moon Gibbon worshippers weren't slaughtered so much as reduced in number.
4) they weren't actually exactly decimated.

So, it was like this: the Guinea Pig Folk offered any disenchanted Moon Gibbon worshippers a free conversion, very few questions asked, as long as they admitted that the Moon Gibbon wasn't real, that the Guinea Pigs were, that the moon was silly, and that even flying bishops wouldn't convince them to stay (flying pigs, particularly flying guinea pigs, would be another matter entirely). And as long as they brought lots of carrots. And shredded newspaper.

The media jumped on this, declaring (on local radio, no less!) that at least 50% of the Moon Gibbon Worshippers would forsake their existing practices and "go over".

After a couple of months, the media reduced the estimate to "around 900".

After a little more research, the media realised that "around 900" would be at least an order is magnitude over 50%, and reduced the number to "around 9".

Today "at least 1" Moon Gibbon Worshipper is reported to have crossed over to the Guinea Pig Folk, and we should be expecting a service to "bring him [it'll probably be a him] into the True Hutch".

The Guinea Pig Folk are reportedly ecstatic, as they will now be "self-sustaining", as the convert has his [still probably a bloke] own vegetable patch. And lots of old newspapers. And a shredder.
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