Not with a bang but a Flimsy Excuse

The world is going to end. Not a doubt of it. Yet another prophecy I can guarantee for you. However, my accuracy's a bit screwy. Maybe +/- a billion years if that will do for you.
That's when the sun starts to die, of course. As it converts into a red giant (a bit like middle-aged spread, but ironically it will be getting lighter) it will absorb first Mercury and Venus, then probably stretch out roughly to our orbit. We're basically done for. 5 billion years and that's it. Then the earth will be done. 5 billion years and it's all over. So you'd better get your affairs in order.

Unless of course you believe in the eBible fellowship, who've decided that it's going to be May 21 this year. Ignoring the thousands of fruitcakes who've made these forecasts in the past. Ignoring the fact that even by the barmy standards of using the Bible to date future events, this is bonkers (though Burton may have a go later. But he's already pointing out to me that the dates in the prophecy don't line up with Archbishop Ussher - so they can't be right).

Here's my personal prophecy. I claim, for reasons referred to below, no divine inspiration. This is all out of my brain.

God will be declared, come 22 May, to have relented. Someone's prayers will have been so effective that God will change his mind. This will be the only possible explanation for the otherwise unaccountable fact that the sun will rise on 22 May just the same as normal. Unless it's because we have been given another second chance. Or the dates have unfortunately been miscalculated - some problem carrying a three during a long multiplication, or a king of Israel overlapping with a king of Judah, or some such. But there will have to be some kind of explanation. Because let's what God has to say about prophets who are wrong:

"But the prophet who presumes to speak a word in my name that I have not commanded him to speak, or who speaks in the name of other gods, that same prophet shall die.' And if you say in your heart, 'How may we know the word that the LORD has not spoken?'— when a prophet speaks in the name of the LORD, if the word does not come to pass or come true, that is a word that the LORD has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously. You need not be afraid of him." (Deut 18:20-22)

Bad news for all prophets that get it wrong. Though it's not made clear here who should carry out the sentence. Still, that's what you're playing with when you start applying fundamentalism where you should start thinking straight. And if the eBible fellowship are with us on 22 May, logically they should be the last ones to complain if we start lobbing rocks. Although, of course, being the relativists we are, we won't. We're nice, cuddly post-modernists who regard the World ending on May 21 as just another small narrative, equally valid, among all the other ones.

The reason a false prophet comes up with stupid prophecies is power - as long as you have the prophecy ahead of you, you have power. Until it goes past.  And then you have to apologise. Or explain that God has relented.

Anyway.  We're organising our "we're all still here" street party for the 22 May. We're quietly confident that it won't just be us still here - the eBible fellowship will as well. Unless, of course, they've been raptured. In which case we're sure they won't mind if we keep on with our party anyway.

Hat tip to Not so random thoughts for this link.