Celebration of 100 years of IBM

Dear Readers!  The excitement! Eileen has asked me to compose a liturgy to celebrate 100 years of International Business Machines. Although to be honest she had forgotten, until a Canon (although not a printer, ho ho) of the Church of England asked her to get one organised.
I should say that in keeping with tradition I did not write this liturgy from scratch - I copied something that did something similar. In this case a COBOL programme. COBOL 2, of course. I would not like anyone to think I was out of date or un-hip.

Liturgical Dress: Big Blue Hi-Viz, dark suits.


IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.


LITURGY-ID. CELEBRATION OF 100 YEARS OF IBM.


** LITURGY-ID. CELEBRATION OF 90 YEARS OF IBM.**


AUTHOR. BURTON DASSET.


ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.


INPUT-OUTPUT SECTION.


FILE IN THROUGH THE SOUTH-WESTERN DOOR.


FILE OUT THROUGH THE NORTH-EASTERN DOOR.


DATA DIVISION.


FILE SECTION.


SINGLE FILE PROCESSION, LED BY TWO PC-XT BEARERS IN ANORAKS AND CND T-SHIRTS.


WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.


01 ARE-ALL-BEAKER-FOLK-IN-MOOT-HOUSE PIC X VALUE 'N'.
88 ALL-BEAKER-FOLK-IN-MOOT-HOUSE VALUE 'Y'.


LINKAGE SECTION.


PROCEDURE DIVISION.
PERFORM UNTIL ALL-BEAKER-FOLK-IN-MOOT-HOUSE
    SIT-AROUND-WAITING
END-PERFORM.


DISPLAY "ARCHDRUID: HELLO WORLD".


DISPLAY "ALL: AND ALSO WITH YOU".


PERFORM CONFESSION THRU COLLECT.


DISPLAY "A PSALM OF LAMENTS"
DISPLAY "HOW ARE THE MIGHTY FALLEN!"
DISPLAY "TELL IT NOT IN SILICON VALLEY"
DISPLAY "FOR THE GREAT BIG BLUE WAS STRICKEN OF GEEKS"
DISPLAY "AND MICROSOFT BECAME GREAT"
DISPLAY "AND THE MERCHANTS OF THE WORLD LOOKED UPON IBM THE FALLEN"
DISPLAY "AND IBM RE-MADE ITSELF AS A CONSULTANCY"


DISPLAY "THERE IS A TIME TO COMPILE"
DISPLAY "AND A TIME TO REVERSE-COMPILE"
DISPLAY "A TIME TO LOAD SUBROUTINES"
DISPLAY "AND A TIME TO RESTRUCTURE CODE"
DISPLAY "A TIME TO RUN PROCESSES"
DISPLAY "AND A TIME TO EXIT"
DISPLAY "BUT NEVER A TIME TO GOTO"
DISPLAY "AND DEFINITELY NOT ONE TO GOTO DEPENDING"
DISPLAY "THERE IS A TIME TO BUY BIG BLUE"
DISPLAY "AND A TIME TO REJECT OS2"
DISPLAY "A TIME TO SWITCH TO ORACLE"
DISPLAY "AND A TIME TO GIVE UP ON MICROSOFT TOO"
DISPLAY "A TIME FOR BEBO"
DISPLAY "AND A TIME FOR FACEBOOK"
DISPLAY "AND THEN A TIME TO TWEET"
DISPLAY "BUT ALL OPERATING SYSTEMS ARE AS GRASS"
DISPLAY "AND SOCIAL NETWORKS AS THE FLOWER OF THE FIELD"
DISPLAY "IN A DAY THEY ARE GONE"
DISPLAY "AND NO-ONE GOOGLES THEM"
DISPLAY "FOR A BILLION CYCLES IN THY SITE"
DISPLAY "ARE LIKE A SINGLE FLOATING-POINT CALCULATION"


IF ORGANIST-IS-DRUNK
  MOVE TO VESTRY
END-IF.


A100-SERMON.
PREACH POINT 1
PREACH POINT 2
EVALUATE CONGREGATION
  WHEN BORED GO  TO A200-PREACH-CONCLUSION
   ELSE CONTINUE
END-EVALUATE
PREACH POINT 3.


A200-PREACH-CONCLUSION.


PERFORM RECESSIONAL-HYMN.


STOP RUN.
GO-BACK.