St Thomas de Tank Engine

Today we remember St Thomas de Tank Engine, the patron saint of talking trains and sad old blokes.

In particular we recall that St Thomas was capable of deep friendships - with St Henry, St Percy de Greene-Enginne and St James the Really Splendid Engine. What a decent chap. And St Thomas had many opportunities to show his holiness. Especially when his friends repeatedly failed to get uphill - he was always there with his willing "yes I can, yes I can". And a great traditionalist, Thomas was always on the look out for the sneaky schemes of the villainous Diesel.

Of course, we can lay a couple of complaints at St Thomas's door. The main one being misogyny. Because although St Thomas and all his mates were jolly fine engines, they were all - as far as one can tell, since I'm unaware of any way other than their names, facial appearances and the depths of their voices - all male. They lead from the front - towing behind them those bywords for female submissiveness, Annie and Clarabel. Being coaches, Annie and Clarabel were totally lacking in power and were expected to be quiet followers.

Nor is it only misogyny. For the engine-truck relationship is clearly a feudal or, at best, oppressive capitalist one. The trucks, again, have no power. They are expected to keep quiet, and do their duty. That they cause trouble to the unreconstructed bourgeois locomotives is not surprising, for it is only in civil disobedience that that can hope to establish their own footing in the power struggle.

So forget it. I don't know why I let Burton talk me into this idea in the first place. Rev W Awbry, happy birthday. But seriously, you've got to get these books up to date. Fast.