Lamentation for the State of English Tennis

I regret to say that our Celebration of British Tennis has had to be cancelled, to be replaced by A Lamentation for the State of English Tennis.
Our Annual Lamentation, as we seek inspiration for what has gone wrong, will be held as usual at our state-of-the-art Beaker Tennisdrome. Members only at this event, please. Fees £3,000 p.a. I am afraid there is currently a six year waiting list. No tattoos or poor people.