Apple smashing time

Once again Apple Smashing Time is upon us, early this year thanks to an unseasonably hot Spring.

Some have complained in the past that our traditional Beaker technique for smashing apples is a litlle - well, a little basic. Is bashing bucketloads of  apples into a pulp with pieces of 2x2 really a spiritual exercise, they ask me.

To which I point out that this ancient apple-smashing technique is deeply spiritual. The rhythmic thumping of the wooden poles into the bucket is a form of meditation - freeing you from our burden of thinking. The traditional apple-smashing song, "Ho for the pomace", with its ten-minute chorus which just goes "Squish-squash Splat", likewise frees us from all rationality. And of course the occasional interlude when everyone downs tools and runs screaming from the wasps is a reminder that we are not this planet for pleasure alone. This is how our ancestors once made cider, at one with the elements for that short period of time before they succumbed to smallpox, the strangles or the ague.

Now in past years people have complained that the pilgrims who are staying for a week or weekend carry the burden of the apple-smashing, while the regular members of the Community sit around watching them and drinking Earl Grey tea. To which I would point out that we who imbibe Husborne Crawley air all the time have less need for such an intense spiritual exercise. We're exercising generosity in letting you do it. And also that, once Young Keith has pressed the apple pulp, we have the important job of keeping an eye on the barrels while the cider is fermenting.

But I can feel some kind of justice in your request for more of a buy-in to the fruits of your labour. Which is why I'm glad to announce that this year we'll be able to share the cider with any short-term Beaker People. For only £10 per small bottle (plus p+p) we'll post you a small reminder of those happy days of summer when, freed from rational thought, you happily hit apples with a lump of wood for days on end.