Blessing of Caravans

Pastoral Notes: Frankly in my opinion caravans are a blessed nuisance. I'd ban them from the road between midnight and dawn. But some people like that sense of freedom and adventure, as they do their best tortoise impressions - lugging most of their home with them to a new and thrilling destination - Newquay, Eastbourne or, as it may be, Mablethorpe. And some of them even like us to bless the things. I prefer a quiet life (and also charge them a £30 Admininstration fee) so just tend to get on with this ritual. Just don't think I approve.

Archdruid: Every woman, every man
All: Join the caravan of love.

Archdruid: Stand up.
All: Stand up. Stand up.

Archdruid: Everybody make a stand.

All: Join the caravan of love.

Archdruid: Stand up.

All: Stand up. Stand up.

Hymn: 2-4-6-8 Motorway

Reading: From The Road more Annoyingly Travelled

Introduction to the Blessing 

Archdruid: Looking in fear and loathing at this collection of metal and plywood, we nevertheless recognise that it, like us, may be imperfect but somebody loves it. And so, grudgingly, we bestow this blessing upon it.

All recite the Caravan Blessing 


May it dodge the people fron Brainiac
and Jeremy Clarkson be far from it.

May it always be on a downhill slope
May it never overtake another caravan - which is going just 0.1 of a mile per hour more slowly - on the A30. [Or, as it may be, the A14. Or the A505. Or the Barton-le-Clay A6 bypass.]


May its tyres never go flat
Nor its tread wear bald.
May it never be towed by anything under-powered
and especially - especially - may it never be pulled by a motor-caravan.
For such a slow-moving set-up is an offence before the world
and its portable toilet a vile smell in our nostrils.


May those drivers that curse it, while stuck behind it weaving down the A303, know that cursing is in vain, and bless it for the petrol it is saving them.


May it never be parked inadvertently too close to a cliff edge
May it never be hit by a tornado, a hurricane or a blizzard
And may its owners sit inside playing gin rummy, watching the rain streaming down its windows, all the days of their lives.


The Archdruid will pour blessed water on the sides of the caravan (Hnaef will check that she is holding a Beaker, not a brick like last time).


Hymn: We're all going on a Summer Holiday

Commission

Archdruid: Right. Now get that lump of junk off my drive. And go and annoy somebody else.