Congratulations to Burton, who broke all the rules on privacy and data protection to eavesdrop surreptitiously on the entire community for a month. He was, however doing it in the interests of science. In particular, he was trying to identify whether the most spoken sentences and phrases were, as I had always suspected, "just remind me who I am again" and "I like biscuits.".
Burton went to a lot of trouble to find these phrases out. In his zeal to get hold of words not just spoken in the communal worship, but also those uttered out in the grounds, and those whispered in the dark that I want to shout from the rooftops, he has fallen off a lot of drainpipes and ladders - not to mention fallen out of several trees. He on one occasion had to spend twenty minutes submerged under the water in Galadriel's bath, breathing through a drinking straw. At least, he said that was part of the research. I can't help noticing that Galadriel reported him before the research officially started.
Anyway, he's spent the last week with a load of speech analysis software and a spreadsheet, and the results are finally in. And so the favourite Beaker phrases are as follows:
25 - "Those songs were all a bit new - didn't know any of them."
24 - "I like gin."
23 - "Pouring out of Beakers again?"
22 - "That music was so old-fashioned."
21 - "Don't worry - she's bound to retire one day"
20 - "Oh, s/he is a lovely person. But...."
19 - "Well, I thought she could have mentioned God at least once. It was a sermon, after all."
18 - "10p? Oh, I forgot my tea money again."
17 - "No, I've totally forgotten what the sermon was about again. Where's the biscuits?"
16 - "That music group was too loud this morning."
15 - "To be honest, I don't think I'm really growing here. I'm not taking anything out of the worship. Mind you, that was true of the last seven fellowships I belonged to. If I could only find something in common..."
14 - "I've a medical problem with kneeling. It hurts my dignity."
13 - "You can call it a cassock-alb. It still looks like a bloke in a frock to me."
12 - "Couldn't hear the music this morning. Wish they'd turn it up"
11 - "What's all this with tea lights?"
10 - "What did he think he was trying to say there?"
9 - "Yes, the drums always sound better if the drummer's playing outside.
8 - "I wonder if I put the dinner on?"
7 - "What has the worship leader done with her hair?"
6 - "I've been terribly blessed today in the worship. I was sitting next to Kayleigh."
5 - "I only come here for the coffee, to be honest."
4 - "Why did the teenage guitarist look so moody?"
3 - "It's not so much that you're using a giant thermometer to show the progress of the building fund. It's more - if the scale starts at Absolute Zero you may be sending out a message of desperation."
2 - "No, it's not just a physical thing. I really like you on a... um... spiritual level."
1 - "Yes, I agree that she may be a paranoid schizophrenic with psychopathic tendencies. But you've got to admit she's a strong leader."
Very well researched. I've always planned to remember who complains about the music being too loud / new, and who complains about it being too quiet / old, so that I can introduce them to each other to argue it out. While I drink coffee and eat biscuits in a smug manner. I never quite seem to get round to it though...
ReplyDeleteStripes, I think you'll find that they're actually frequently the same people. The being too loud being too quiet in particular being time-bound.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point. Which means I can't introduce them to each other without everyone disappearing in a puff of logic. And biscuits. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteOf course I never ever complain about anything at church. At all.